"Controlling
Stress Before It Controls You."
by Carol James
Screaming kids, spousal misunderstandings, blaring
alarm clocks, approaching deadlines, unexpected interruptions,
creativity blocks, endless emails or phone messages to return,
bad news, bills to be paid, traffic jams, health problems, computer
crashes, household chores, impending taxes, demanding bosses .
. . stress, stress and more stress. But did you ever stop to think
about what leads to stress?
The path to stress is easy to see by observing
the natural characteristics of human beings as they select, process
and respond to experiences. If we could slow down our thought-reaction
process, we could see the individual characteristics of humanness
as they play out. For example, here’s an example to illustrate
how stress happens and how it affects you:
You notice that your husband
(or wife, mate or child) hasn’t come home yet, even though
he said he’d be home an hour ago (your point of focus).
You decide that something must be terribly wrong. Perhaps you
imagine that he’s been in a horrible car accident or,
even worse, a victim of car-jacking (the meaning you make about
why he is late).
Afterall, the news is filled with all the bad things that can
happen to unsuspecting people (the evidence to support your
conclusion).
Because of the meaning you have made about why he is late, an
emotional response is triggered and you feel anxious, worried
or even panicky. Your body chemistry has changed, producing
all the classic symptoms of stress: Your muscles tense, your
head begins to ache, nausea attacks your stomach, your pulse
quickens, etc. (your biochemical response).
The tension has affected your state of mind as you become negative
and pessimistic, expecting the worst (your state of mind).
Now because your emotional reaction is fear, your level of personal
effectiveness is, in turn, diminished. You no longer think with
a level head, perhaps even feeling out of control. You become
easily distracted from activities, struggling to focus your
thoughts or actions in a constructive way (diminished personal
effectiveness).
Simple functions seem difficult or burdensome, often turning
into messes, like the carton of milk you just spilled on the
floor. Frustrated, you scream at the kids to shut up and clean
up the mess (the outcome as a result of your stressed-out state).
Of course, the scenario offered above is a
negative response to stimuli. It could have gone an entirely
different way if the woman had decided that her husband’s
lateness had simply meant something else, perhaps that he got
caught in traffic or decided to stop for a few groceries.
This illustration can be applied to any situation
you experience – getting cut off in traffic, having your
work critiqued, being assigned more work than you think you can
handle, having a disagreement, etc. Your emotional and physical
response and your personal effectiveness depend on the meaning
you give to the experience.
So before you get all stress-out over the situation,
take a moment to stop and think about whether your interpretation
of the situation is accurate. A great question to check your interpretation
is, "How can I know for sure?"
The question applied to the above scenario would
be, "How can I know for sure that he has been in an accident?"
The obvious answer is, you can’t know for sure. So why let
yourself get stressed-out over an imaginary fear? Afterall, it’s
your thoughts that lead to stress, and you can control those.
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