"Honesty
Is a Great Stress Reliever."
By Debbie Mandel
Honesty is the best policy; Confession is good
for the soul; the truth will set you free - these homespun proverbs
compress profound truths about how to lead happier and healthier
lives. The implications are that if we become our authentic selves,
express ourselves truly and freely, then we will feel more joyous
and let other people into our lives. Currently, many people are
engaged in massive cover-ups: who they are, what they want and
what they contribute; cosmetic surgery is an example. Its popularity
in TV shows like Extreme Makeover and The Swan indicate that a
taut mask is preferable to laugh lines, and rivulets of expression.
The rippling effect is that many are hiding who they are on the
inside by accommodating, trying to fulfill other people’s
expectations, obeying other people’s rules and pretending
to be…No wonder that most of my workshop participants feel
mildly depressed and negative. Conformity and suppression are
energy drains.
The other day during the course of my reading
I came across a phrase used by Alcoholics Anonymous in the 12
Step Program - fake it until you make it: A seeming contradiction
to truthful living, yet ironically, wonderful advice about how
to become more authentic. By speaking, dressing, eating, exercising
and acting the role of who we wish to become, we will transform
ourselves to fulfill that role. By taking an honest inventory
of our limitations and capabilities we can develop our capabilities
to do better and be better. Our failures need to be truthfully
acknowledged because they serve as practice for success. Recognizing
that each one of us is a unique work of art in progress provides
the necessary confidence to explore, evaluate, grow and change.
When we feel comfortable with ourselves, what we say and do without
second guessing whether we said the right thing or did a good
job, then we have come to an honest acceptance of who we are and
the world we live in. That’s a great stress relief! Here
are some suggestions to be more honest:
- Begin to express your true opinions on small matters such
as the food you eat, the clothes you like and the books you
enjoy. Gradually you will express your opinions on larger
issues.
- If you make a mistake, don’t blame others. Assume
responsibility and try to remedy it.
- Keep on asking questions which will lead to a quest for
more honest answers.
- When you are about to reach a decision, what are the signals
your body emits? If you don’t feel good, ask yourself
what part of your body is involved and why? Trust your gut
reaction.
- Whatever you resist will persist. Face your “angels
and demons” and make peace with them. You are the control
center and have the power of perception. "The mind can
make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven."
- Stop apologizing for who you are and who your children
are. For example, if you have a hyperactive, autistic, or
retarded child, stop apologizing for him or her.
- If you sense that a family member or friend is having a
problem, speak up and offer a suggestion or emotional support.
- Whatever you do, let the true you emerge in your work or
play. For this to happen you need a good self-concept- be
able to answer this question: what is it that you bring to
life’s table- what is your specific contribution? If
you don’t know, get started on having an open and honest
conversation with yourself!
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Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness
for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational
speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer at Southampton
College. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light
Show on WHLI 1100AM in New York City, produces a weekly wellness
newsletter, and has been featured on radio/TV and print media.
To learn more click here to visit Debbie's site. |
