"Never Break
Another Habit."
By Charles Burke
Got a habit you'd like to break?
Smoking? Overeating? Drinking? Complaining?
Whatever you're battling, I've got some good
news: it's impossible to "break" a habit.
Now you're probably thinking, "Hey, Burke,
what kind of good news is that?" Or maybe, "If you've
got some more good news like that, keep it to yourself."
But hear me out.
Every habit starts out as an effort to accomplish
something positive.
Biting your nails? It usually begins as a way
to distract yourself from feelings of nervousness.
Drinking? Gambling? Sex? Overeating? Those get
a foothold in your life when you're looking for something to make
you feel good. Chronic complaining may be a way to regain a little
power.
So the most effective way to deal with a habit
is to treat it as a living (or semi-living) entity that has your
best interests at heart.
Once a habit is born, it's not going to just
lie down and quit doing its job. Oh no, that habit is there to
guard you and improve your life -- even if it kills you. (I never
said a habit is smart, just alive.)
Napoleon Hill wrote, "In every adversity
there is the seed of an equivalent or greater advantage."
That's even true for a habit you'd like to be
rid of.
And it's simple to do if you'll just create a
new habit and piggyback it on top of the original habit.
I watched my father quit smoking when he was
43 years old.
After smoking for nearly 30 years, he had a coughing
fit one day that turned him purple, staggered him sagging and
breathless against a wall, and left him barely conscious.
That afternoon he quietly decided that he was
through smoking forever.
All his friends laughed, of course. He'd been
a 3-4 pack a day man for as long as they knew him.
But he did quit. Then and there.
Months later, I overheard him explain how he
did it.
First, he WANTED to do it... he was motivated.
Once he had that, all he needed was a method. A technique.
He kept the cigarettes right there in the same
shirt pocket. We wanted to be able to reach for those smokes just
like always. So he kept them where he knew they would trigger
his habit.
But then -- and this is where it gets interesting
-- as soon as he caught himself pulling out the pack and tapping
out a cigarette, he inserted a new habit to piggyback on the old
one. With the unlit cigarette in his hand, he'd walk to a trash
can and shred the tobacco between his fingers and throw it away.
Then he'd slip the pack back into his shirt pocket.
He could always pull out a second one and smoke
it if he wanted to, but he had a choice. That second one wasn't
a habit -- only the first one was.
He continued to "use" 3-4 packs a day
for a couple of days, but gradually that new, piggybacked habit
began to go on automatic. He'd get the urge to smoke, reach for
the pack, and then, before pulling it out, he was already rubbing
his fingers together, as though shredding the cigarette.
Over the next two weeks, I watched my father
become a non-smoker, simply by using his first habit and adding
onto it, rather than fighting against it.
Does this give you any ideas for your own habits?
Do you find yourself pulling food out of the
refrigerator or pantry before you're even aware of it?
Why not pull those silly pictures off the fridge
door -- you know, the ones that are supposed to make you feel
guilty? Instead, keep a large supply of something that will fill
you up. Don't stop cramming those chocolates into your mouth.
Just make a deal with yourself: you can still have all the candy
you usually eat, but first, you'll eat a raw carrot before you
do the candy, the fried chicken and the three pizzas.
You're not taking anything away from yourself.
You're actually adding new choices.
It's a way to buy yourself time. If you can stop
and come back down from automatic for a minute or two, it'll give
you a choice regarding what you're doing.
If it's addiction to sex, make a deal with yourself
that when you walk over and introduce yourself to that next gorgeous
person, you'll first do something totally different. Maybe you'll
call your spouse and tell him/her that you love them. Or maybe
you'll ask that blond if they'd like to come home and meet your
wife/husband. A simple thing really. Just to interrupt the usual
automatic flow.
Gambling? Alcohol? Both GA and AA have excellent
programs based on admitting you've got a problem, and then building
from there.
Whatever the problem, you can change it by using
it as a foundation stone.
Maybe it's complaining. Each time you catch yourself,
you might stop and insert a positive statement on the subject:
"The boss is such an utter ass ... but of course, he's also
smart enough to hire me."
Is it a constant lack of money?
Some of the most highly motivated business people
I've ever seen were once destitute. And now they use their former
lack as a driving force to keep them moving.
They don't deny what they've been through, but
at the same time, they don't let those experiences be the only
definition of who they are. They take whatever block they stumble
over, and they climb up on it and keep going.
So instead of trying to break what you've got,
just figure out a way to use it.
Build on that "problem" and incorporate
it as one of your strengths.
Try it today. Start looking for ways to put your
energies into building instead of breaking.
You and your habits will be happier for it.
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