By Ed Williams
Sometimes I wonder just what the world’s coming to...
For some among y’all out there who read this column each week, you might’ve noticed a little while back that it didn’t run for a week or so. As a result, I’ve had some people write and/or call and ask me just what was going on? Some thought I had decided to stop writing the column, some speculated that I had signed some kind of deal with “a big city newspaper” which meant that I couldn’t write for my current ones anymore, and one person asked if I’d just “had enough?” For the record, the answer to each of those questions is a definitive “no.”
I have a great time writing this column each week. It allows me to write about almost anything that pops into my mind, and I love having that kind of freedom. As a result, I seldom have a clue each week as to what I’m going to write about until I sit down in my chair and get to work. So, with that having been said, let me get right into the reason that “Free Wheelin’” went missing for a week or so. It vanished for a while due to the fact that some sweetheart out there in internet land sent me a virus.
That’s right, a computer virus. One of those malicious little programs that’s designed to wreak havoc on your computer. Viruses cost businesses and individuals tons of money each year, and for what? It makes no sense at all unless I give some thought as to just what type person sends out these viruses. It must be some super sloppy, maladjusted eighteen year old haint times three computer whiz whose closest contact with a woman comes through the serving line at his school’s cafeteria, or some super-nerdy, pocket protector wearing geek who’s mad at world because he doesn’t yet possess a working personality. And, because these people would rather be anti-social than take a good, long look in the mirror we all have to pay for it. No one ever said that life would be fair, huh?
Fortunately, I’m pleased to report that I got out of my situation without too much damage. I did have to pay someone to reformat my hard drive, but I kept back-up copies of most of my stuff so I really didn’t get hurt too badly. I also went out and bought some better anti-virus software, which hopefully will screen most of these cyber pests in the future. In the end, though, almost anyone can get nailed with a computer virus, and I’ve been far luckier than most - the people that fixed my computer told me that a lady brought in one a week earlier that had over two thousand viruses on it! It’s a wonder that the “On” switch on her computer even worked with all that mischief lurking around on her hard drive.
In the end, I guess there are just some people out there who are sort of like walking cases of jock itch, they contribute nothing to the world and try and tear down those of us that do. People like the woman who walked up to my son recently at his job as a cashier at a well-known supermarket chain and presented him with over six hundred dollars worth of live lobsters and steaks. And what did she attempt to pay for all that food with? Food stamps. I kid you not, food stamps. Fortunately, the two food stamp cards she presented for payment had both expired, but, even with that happening, she proceeded to put down a dollar and some change in the hope that Will would be stupid enough to accept that for full payment. He politely told the lady that she was about six hundred some odd dollars short, to which she replied, “Well, I’ll go someplace else and check my luck there.”
So, for all you deadbeats, virus spreaders, bad check writers, child support non-payers, and the like, if I had my way I’d put you all in jail cells with Perry Como music playing in the background twenty four hours a day, serve you Spam sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and then assign guards to sit outside your cells who’ve just eaten large Mexican dinners. And that’s just for starters - don‘t even ask me what y’alls daily recreational program would consist of. The way I see it, every dog has his day, and it’s more than time for some of you bottom feeders out there to stop having yours...
Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: firstname.lastname@example.org, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.